{FULL} dependence

hola amigos. as most of you know i am now ending my fourth full day in Ensenada, Mexico. it has been a very good first four days.saturday we had a work day cleaning up the [ranch], getting it prepared for spring camp to start in about two weeks. several students from the bible college here, accompanied some of the staff of [genesis] pull weeds, paint tables, clean and paint the latrines, and do some other odd jobs. saturday night some friends and i went to a carnival that was taking place in downtown ensenada. there i got to consume my first mango with chili and lime of the year. YUM! sunday i went to the english church and was happy to see old friends i had made from last summer. Alex, another staff of [genesis] and his girlfriend Laura, went grocery shopping with me. i stocked my shelf full of good things to eat. monday we headed back to the ranch to do some more cleaning and prep work. we also handed out some food in a community that is really poor. houses as big as my bedroom, no heat in the houses, (the nights get really cold here in mexico) one bed for a family of 5-6, moms washing their clothes by hand, kids with old clothes, a man with a leg brace that was being held together by shoe laces, purple sores from the plastic rubbing into the back of his leg. the highlight of my day was getting to play a random pick-up game of soccer in the streets with the kids. i made all the goals for my team. (to bad they were all 3-4th graders.) ;)

today was spent in the office preparing camp supplies. i printed and cut 1000+ name tags. very mind dulling but IMPORTANT job. ;) i also helped sort through more donations and get care bags put together for the families in derango according to thier needs. THAT was a job. alex had fun playing dress-up.

lately this thing of TOTAL or FULL dependence on Jesus has been on the for front of my mind. maybe because im in another country, maybe becasue im out of my groove, out of my comfort zone, maybe because i find myself on a daily basis at the end of myself.

what does FULL dependence mean to you? how does/has God taught this to you? for me, it means not relying on my own ideas or agendas. God usually teaches this to me by allowing all the props to fall out from under me so He can show Himself strong in my life. He does this becasue He loves me. is it scary? YES. sometimes more then others.

right before i left the US, i was trying really hard to sell my car. i really wanted to sell it so that i would have that money to live on as im down here serving in mexico. i guess you could call it my back-up plan, just in case God couldnt sell enough cows to support me. "for all the animals of the forest are mine, and i own the cattle on a thousand hills." psalms 50:10

about a week before i left for mexico, it at all fell through. my car ended up having some major issues ontop of what i already knew and the potential buyer ended up not buying it. it was like God saying- "Tiffany. why cant you trust me? why cant you have full dependence on me? you know i love you. you know all my promises. you read them and understand but dont walk in light of them. trust me. i will take care of you." it was absolutley incredible the true peace and joy that came as soon as i gave it all over to HIM.

that same day someone came up to me and gave me a hundred dollar check. i was once again humbled by the amazing-ness of my Father. he always rewards us for our obediance. His timing is always different, but perfect, according to his purpose. Jim Elliot (one of my heros) words it so well...

"...israel doubtless wondered where God was taking them as they were led from the wilderness to wilderness- three months of wandering and no sight of the flowing land. here Jahweh tells them that His real purpose is not in the establishment of a commonwealth in the land, but in the bringing out of a perculiar people which was for Himself. The eagle is the lonely bird, dwelling in inaccessible crags, and its fledglings must learn that when borne on the parents wings, they are helpless and had best not struggle or endeavor to go on their own power. the best place for a young one is in a place where he must learn DEPENDENCE and OBEDIENCE- the success of his life depending on the latter of these."

depend on HIM people!